Lunchbox and Condoms

Every morning way before sunrise,
while everyone still sleeping,
she’d hassle herself,
for a table full of food for breakfast,
and beautiful and delicious lunchbox,
everyday, except Sunday,
to her son was lunchbox plus water bottle,
to her husband lunchbox and few condoms,
She said they were out of love to her son and to survive.

She’s beautiful,
She’s smart,
She’s independent financially,
Yet she normalized her husband infidelity,
She said as long as he kept the “diseases” outside.
Because her son needs a so called complete family.
Love needs sacrifices.
I said, “What the hell?”

I don’t know what kind of love she’s talking about
For me that’s not love,
that’s stupidity.
But who am I to judge?

In their imagination

to those came into my life,
gave me pain,
ruined my life in ways,
they thought they broke me down,
I could’ve highlight the trauma,
and played the victim,
I could!
and who could blame me?

but, I rather changed me,
rebuild,
and consider they all,
and all those pain
were important roles,
setting fire inside me to fight back,
keep me moving on forwards,
strengthening,
making new me.

It Was Him

the torn heart
the broken soul
the bruises,
the wounds,
the scars,
the traumas,
not things visible to most eyes,
it was him who saw them in me.

welcomed me into his life,
in silent he stayed beside me,
loved me in acceptance, trust and respect,
he taught me to love me again,
he let me being me is the most beautiful thing in this life,
relaxing and comfortable.
it was him who showed me the way.

What I am,
was once million pieces
shifted into new shaped,
for the past as lesson learned,
and the days to live,
and the future to welcome,
It was him who played part in my life.

No Wonder

Same shits
just different person

I’m the girl blindly give everything,
to a boy who has nothing to share,
and leave me with emptiness.

Don’t Worry, I’ll Learn You

You know me;
you said I cry in my sleep,
I smile though I’m broken,
I failed yet I never give up feeling and hoping,
instead I just pick up the pieces and put
another better me,
I’m a woman not just about anyone deserve,
but exactly what you need.

I’m another you in parallel world,
a soulmate but nothing magic gotta do with,
a lifetime partner you and I work on,
respectfully and with trust.

You asked me,
to show each other things I like,
how I want things done,
what makes me happy,
bravely and comfortably,
I don’t have to worry because you’ll learn me.

“Hey! I need to know you much and learn you too.
Relation takes two.” I said.

That, you will teach me.
As you smile and stole a kiss from me.

Shits Happened

But who else to blame but me?

Instead relying on myself,
It was me who overtrusting and believing
that someone can complete,
fulfill dream,
and bring so much happiness in my life.

It’s me investing so much time,
energy and love on someone’s lie,
blinded by love,
and keep myself in delusion mode
“He’ll change”

And when truth finally opened my eyes,
when things falls apart,
There another heart of mine broken into pieces,
another bitterness,
another emptiness,
another sorrow,
another disappointment,
who else to blame but me?

We made it

Marriage is never easy
even with the right person.

Unavoidable problems come and go,
There’ll always be different point of views
and opinion,
Takes a lot of energy and commitment,
trust and respect,
Willingness to tone down ego,
and take up sacrifices.

Thank you,
I’m sorry,
Forgive me,
Well done,
Those words are basics requirements
involve in dailies.

And many times,
much more than expected,
walk away,
giving up,
calling it quit,
tempted to entertain us.

But instead,
we talk,
fight,
cry,
made up,
fix the problems,
we forgive ourselves,
we forgive each other,
We stay in this together,
Till the day he died.

“My heavenly turtle, xoxo”

Let Her Go

A good friend of mine came to me.
he’s desperate.
he love his wife so much,
he’s been struggling to make his wife
love him again,
nothing came out good from his efforts,
his daughters told him to let their mother go,
“Dad, can we just live the three of us?” They said.

So, I asked him,
“What do you want to hear from me? The truth?
Or something comforting?”

He knew I won’t say anything comfort.
I don’t have any comfort words anyway.
“The truth.” He answered
yet I knew from the tone of his voice
he’s not ready for truth.

“What haven’t you done to get her back?”
I asked.

He quickly answered, “I’ve done everything I could.”

So I said,
“Exactly. Everything. Now, be a man for yourself.
Don’t drag yourself any lower.
Know when to fight.
And know when to keep your honor.
Let go.”

He answered weakly, “I know… but,…”

“No ‘but’! You’re a father.
You have two beautiful daughters that need you,
show them how great you are as a father,
teach them to be a better person, better women,
set their standard so high in the future,
their heart won’t break like yours.”

Because life is too short

I don’t wait till birthday to buy a whole cake,
eat and share it with friends.

I wake up at 4 am to read my book
and some music while at it.

Rain never stop me from strolling,
instead, I’ll just dance under the rain.

I don’t plan my travel.
Book a one way ticket
and couple days of hotel,
then, I’ll just move by menu.
Nothing fancy, I’m a chicken and cold drinks,
or some ice cream cone,
fried foods, tuna sandwich and those hawker’s food.
When I had enough, I’ll fly back home.
Looking forward for the next trip.

I silent my mobile phone most of the time,
For work related people know where to contact me,
For private and emergency matters,
Only small circle knew.

I rather consider as an underdog,
let people underestimate me,
I don’t even explain when they misunderstand me.
I’m a “move to kill”

I take a nap in the middle of the day,
I sleep early at night,
too busy experience life by day.

That’s how I live after he died.
to move on,
to say I love you and
I’m grateful for him.

Skip it as much as I can

I don’t call him when he’s outside,
well, tried my best not to,
unless it’s emergency.
first, because I trust him that much.

The most important one,
is I don’t want to disturb him.
Because I know he won’t mind if I call.
He’ll pick up my call anytime, anywhere.
No matter,
in the middle of a meeting,
with friends, or colleague, or clients even his superior,
he’ll happily pick up my call,
call my sweet name,
said something “I love you”

I love his attention,
but I know I can always have his
any other way,
So, this one, I’ll skip the best I can.